Talk about an institution in funky, hip Portland. Located on SW 3rd Ave and Ankeny Street, Voodoo Doughnut is home to some of the best doughnuts I have ever consumed. Naturally, I'm not a big doughnut fan, but after spending most of the evening devouring large quantities of sushi at Masu with friends, why not partake afterward in a quick, cheap snack?
Like all the crazy dessert places I have visited in the past, there's always a line of hungry patrons stretching out the door. However, what makes this line different from all other lines is how eclectic the customers are. The clientele remind me of grungy teenagers waiting to see a Nirvana concert back in 1991 at the Fox Theater. Once inside, the song "Ugly" by Violent Femmes is blaring out of the bakery at full blast forcing me to have flashbacks to my teenage years myself. Add some tight jeans rolled at the ankle, high tops and wavy hair and you have the perfect recipe for a T-Bone Burnett nightmare. Anyway, it's all good. 
Walking like drunk penguins in a single-file slinky, I find myself in awe from all the crazy stuff in here. It's a combo pack of Winchell's Donuts, an old movie theater, one part Legoland, one part corn syrup, and a Volkswagen Bug parked in Humboldt County with Captain Crunch scattered in the backseat. Oh, maybe sprinkle some Pop Rocks and Pepto Bismol in there for color and sound. Don't get me wrong, I like it. It's funky, hippie, grungy, crunchy, whatever. It's definitely fun. However like I said, my friend and I were in such awe of this nauseous gastronomical masterpiece that we didn't realize we were next in line to be yelled at. Yes, don't gaze too long at the menu at Voodoo, because the person behind the counter will literally scream at you.
But wait, before I get to the yelling, there's doughnuts spinning on a carousel in every corner, the music is so very loud, the treats are causing my eyes to seize up, and....."NEXT!!!!"
"Ah, whaa?"
Yes, that was my answer. After holding back tears of joy and nausea, I was completely stunned by the bacon and maple doughnuts, the crunchy Oreo-topped bun or the traditional glazed yummy-orgasmic treat. Oh, but wait is there a doughnut shaped like a screaming little man rotating around the carousel? Why yes, yes it is. Better yet, upon closer inspection it actually reminds me of my newborn demanding a milk bottle immediately. Uggh!
The girl looks at me and says, "I SAID NEXT!"
I looked at the twenty-something with more piercings than I care to remember and replied, "Um, uhhh, I'll take a maple and a glazed and ah, um, one of those chocolate ones there."
Whew, that wasn't so hard. The aura in this place is intoxicating, or perhaps something else.
Yes, my mind is still in a dreamy state. Did I really just see a bacon and maple doughnut? Like real slabs of bacon on a gooey-mound of sugar and flour? Yes I did. That's like eating breakfast at 10PM! Well, anyway, there's a lot to be consumed here and if you ever stop in Portland, Oregon make sure to pull on by and grab yourself a funky doughnut.
It will probably set you back a buck-fifty. 
Yes, my mind is still in a dreamy state. Did I really just see a bacon and maple doughnut? Like real slabs of bacon on a gooey-mound of sugar and flour? Yes I did. That's like eating breakfast at 10PM! Well, anyway, there's a lot to be consumed here and if you ever stop in Portland, Oregon make sure to pull on by and grab yourself a funky doughnut.
3 comments:
My daughter is a Soldier and when she came home to us at PDX a couple days ago the crowd there was either completely silent or gave us dirty looks. Portland Oregon is truly disgusting. Full of left wing haters.
I am sorry to hear that. Yes, Portland is indeed a very liberal town.
Ryan
I've seen plenty of soldiers return to PDX over the last 10 years. The reception I've seen them get up there is not much different than anywhere else. Most people (myself included) tend to stay out of the way and let them enjoy the moment with their family.
Ryan: there are three Voodoo locations in Oregon. The original one you wrote about, the new, bigger one on NE Davis and the one down in the hippy commune of Eugene. All are 24 hour/7 day a week, cash only operations. There's also Stumptown Coffee a block or two up 3rd St from Voodoo. Get a coffee there and a doughnut and life is good. If it's sunny, go sit in waterfront park and you'll be in heaven.
Also to all your readers: when you turn up at PDX with a box (or three) of doughnuts, the locals know you're a tourist. You just better have enough to share with the flight crew.
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